I made this last march 9,2012 :D
So today I'm not feeling very well I feel so down I feel so helpless,worthless and empty, I feel so alone, so hurt and so broken, I feel like I'm shattered into million pieces, it's as if that the only person that you thought will understand you, take good care of you and promised not to hurt you is the only reason why you feel like this and the only way to stop this kind of feeling is being with that person, being taken good care of that person, that he would be the one to comfort and protect you through times like this, the person that should be with you through this very tough time you're going through, but where is he where did he go? isn't it that he promised that he won't let go, that he'll always be there, isn't he the one that told you those promises, the promises that he promised he will never break, those shattered dreams that he promise to build and repair it again with you. Where did his forever go? have he forgotten the love you've both shared? have he forgotten those promises that made you a whole person again? those promises that completed you, those promises that gave you hope, that made you trust in love again those promises that keeps you fighting everyday, that makes you feel blessed and love every morning, every time you wake up, that made you that there's new hope. Where is it? but what about those sweet words? the words that made you fall for him more and more each day, those sweet words that makes your love for him even more stronger, those sweet words that makes you smile whenever you're alone, whenever you feel sad, those sweet words that makes your whole day even more wonderful, making it extra special whenever you remember it. What about those calls? does that even mean anything to him? does that even matter to him? all those sleepless nights just for you to make him feel how special he is for you, that you're willing to sacrifice those times for him. Have he forgotten all that? have he even bother to ask you on what you are feeling every time he makes you cry? does he know how badly you are hurt right now? or does he even bother to text or call you to check how you are doing? does he know that you love him very very much, that you're willing to do and give up everything for him? haven't you asked yourself on how does he sleep at night when he knows that you're suffering in so much pain because of him? have you asked yourself if you really deserve this kind of pain? why didn't he respond when you told him that you're in pain? why didn't he respond though he knows that you need him? that you need his sweet caress? does he really love you? or you're just one of his past times? one of his girls? have you experienced looking at the mirror and asked yourself what's wrong with you? what's missing? why can.t he love you the way you have loved him? are you really that difficult to love? were you never worth it of someone else's love? when would probably be the right time would come for you? that time where you know that you're loved, that you're take care of? and that you know that he won't do anything just to hurt you? don't you get tired and sick of all these bullshits that's happening to you? don't you get tired of hoping that maybe,just maybe someone would finally appreciate your existence, that someone would love you for who you are that someone would finally understand you. that one day there would be a person that would give you a love that you deserve, a love that you never imagined someone could give you,that someone would finally realize your worth. don't you get tired of repeating the same mistakes a hundred times? because you're still hoping and believing on the person you thought you knew, have you tried loving yourself? have you tried deciding on the things you know what's best for you? have you tried appreciating on who you really are? on what is your worth? have you tried loving the person that you know will love you with all his heart? that won't hurt you or you're loving the person that takes you for granted because you still believe that you could change him? have you tried to take a rest for a while? to start understanding yourself? Everybody deserves somebody, everybody deserves to be happy but when is the right time for me? when would probably be the best time for me to be happy and loved? I thought you love me? I thought you understand me? I thought you would never hurt and make me cry again? where did you go? I need you.. I love you. Does that even mean anything to you? having you tried seeing the real me? I'm hurt, I'm longing for you. Where did you go? I thought you're always there for me? I thought you can't live without me? why are you doing this to me? I'm so hurt. I need you ! please don't leave me here helpless I'm so weak without you you're my weakness why are you doing these? please tell me. should I leave? is it my fault? is it my fault to believe you? is it my fault to love you this much? do you really love me? if yes, how much? I love you, I love you very very much and it hurts so bad. Why do you have to act like you don't care? does these mean anything to you? do I mean something to you? please let me know. let me know right away before it hurts more that this pain I'm feeling. Does the words and promises you've told me are lies? please answer me honestly please I'm begging you. are all these are some kind of a joke? if yes please stop. It's starting to kill me slowly inside and you know what's the worst part of this? I'm still madly in love with you I'm still waiting for you If you could only feel how deeply I'm hurt right now. I don't wanna lose you please tell me you still care, because i love you.. i love you very much.
